Is It TimeTo Give Your Mate An Ultimatum? Ask Dr. Karen

When You Need Some Advice Don’t Ask Twice… Ask Dr. Karen!
***To all my on-line readers, I want to thank each and every one of you for your continued support and your comments. They are appreciated and valued.
Dear Dr. Karen:
I am 36 and exclusively dating someone, who is 41, for almost a year now. I feel given our age, we should have enough experience to know whether we would like to pursue a serious relationship. When I ask my boyfriend about a future commitment, his response is, “Let’s take it slow.” I don’t know how much slower I can take it. I am not talking marriage or even living together. I just want to know if he is committed to the possibility of a life together.
What is a reasonable period for someone to know if they are willing to commit on the level I described? I understand everyone works on a different time clock, but when does time run out?
He will only share that he loves me if I ask him. I am a patient, caring, loving, smart woman who has a lot to offer. I love this man, but I am realistic and will not wait forever
Timed Out
Dear Timed Out:
You and your boyfriend have been together long enough for him to know what he feels.  Obviously, he is satisfied with things the way they are. You are afraid that if you ask him directly about a committed relationship he will say no. Approaching the topic in a roundabout way more than likely will cause him to take further advantage of you. He gets the point, even if he pretends not to.
Say from your heart where you want your relationship to go and insist on his answer. It is better to get a no now, than to wait one, three, or five years for the same answer. You’ve already said. “You’re not going to wait forever.”
***How long are you willing to wait for a committment?
Dr. Karen R. January is an expert in youth development as well as male-female relationships.  Her book, ¨Lessons Mama Never Taught Me,¨ profiles 10 women and the mistakes they made in parenting, love and life.  It can be purchased at  Please send your questions to Dr. Karen at
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FB: drkayj  Twitter: @drkjanuary
Disclaimer “The advice offered in this column is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional, financial, medical, legal, or other professional advice. Dr. Karen January, the newspaper and publisher are not responsible for the outcome or results of following any advice in any given situation. You, and only you, are completely responsible for your actions.” Due to the large number of letters received there is no guarantee that your question will be published.

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