Ask Dr. Karen


When you need some advice don’t ask twice… Ask Dr. Karen!

Dear Dr. Karen
I was recently involved in a six month affair with a married man. My relationship with him was not his first. When the affair ended I made a promise that I would never tell his wife, since I was just as much to blame as he was. Now, I am having second thoughts and think his wife should know what a low down dog he is. If the shoe were on the other foot I would want to know. Do you think his wife has a right to know that her husband has been cheating on her?
Dear Guilty:
Were you asleep when he told you that you were not his first playmate? This should have been your first wake up call. With any affair there is a beginning and the end will always follow. That should have been your second wake up call.
After reading your letter, one word came to mind (REVENGE). I can picture you salivating because you can’t wait to tell her. A German Proverb states that revenge converts a little right into a great wrong. On one hand you think that by telling her about his extramarital affairs that she will thank you. On the other hand this information could well destroy her. How do you know that she is not already aware of his infidelities?
The affair is over. What will you gain by telling his wife? Will anything change between the two of you if you snitch? If he has kids, how will this affect their lives?
Your real concern should be that this man slept with multiple partners. You put yourself at risk for contracting a sexually transmitted disease and the possibility of a pregnancy.
To answer your question should you tell his wife? Let your conscience be your guide. In the future, don’t sleep with married men; then there will be nothing to tell.
Until next week remember: “Never give advice unless you are asked for it”

***Disclaimer  “The advice offered in this column is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional, financial, medical, legal, or other professional advice.  Dr. Karen January, the newspaper and publisher are not responsible for the outcome or results of following any advice in any given situation. You, and only you, are completely responsible for your actions.” Due to the large number of letters received, there is no guarantee that your question will be published.
Dr. Karen R. January is an expert in youth development as well as male-female relationships.  Her new book, ¨Lessons Mama Never Taught Me,¨ profiles 10 women and the mistakes they made in parenting, love and life.  It can be purchased at  Please send your questions to Dr. Karen at
Visit her website:  FB: drkayj  Twitter: @drkjanuary   

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