Sandria Washington and Samantha Coleman know firsthand the impact of secrecy in Black adoption. As late-discovery adoptees, they turned their pain into purpose—founding Black to the Beginning to amplify the voices of Black adoptees and families often left out of the narrative (Photo Credit: Facebook).
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When I began writing about adoption, my focus was initially on the shock experienced by late-discovery adoptees—those who learn about their adoption as adults. However, as I delved deeper, I uncovered a more pressing and multifaceted narrative within our community: the complex and often silenced stories of the Black family.
My research revealed systemic barriers that Black families face in the adoption process—challenges that are not only logistical but also deeply rooted in cultural secrecy and stigma.
Black to the Beginning: Amplifying the Voices of Black Adoptees
Samantha Coleman and Sandria Washington, the visionary creators of Black to the Beginning and co-hosts of “The Black Adoption Podcast,” urged me to explore beyond the typical narratives that often center either feel-good or sensationalized adoption stories and the experiences of white adoptive parents.
“Black media has a moral obligation to dive deeper,” Washington stated, emphasizing the need to amplify the voices of all members of the Black family affected by adoption, including biological mothers and fathers, adoptive parents, legal guardians, siblings, children of adoptees and adult adoptees.
Coleman highlighted a stark historical context: “Adoption was alive and well before we even arrived in America.”
This legacy of trauma and secrecy compels us to examine the complex emotions experienced not just by adoptees, but by everyone connected to the adoption process. When we talk about the Black adoption experience, we must include the often-overlooked stories, whose experiences and emotions are rarely acknowledged.
Coleman’s late discovery at 26 exemplifies the culture of secrecy that permeates our community. Her mother revealed her adoption casually, yet the impact was profound. “I almost had an accident driving away,” she recalled, burdened by the weight of her newly uncovered identity.
For a decade, Coleman kept this secret, reflecting the shame that often shrouds adoption discussions in Black families. It wasn’t until 2016, after a long journey to uncover her roots, that she felt ready to share her truth. Her experience with her biological family underscores the complexities of these reunions. “If they aren’t healed, a relationship isn’t just going to flourish,” she cautioned, reminding us that blood ties don’t guarantee instant connection.
How Adoption Stigma Affects Black Families
Listening to Coleman and Washington’s stories illuminated the resilience of these women and the urgent need for our community to confront the legacy of silence surrounding adoption. We must ask ourselves why these voices have been silenced and the toll this takes on the mental health and identity of not only Black adoptees but also their families.
Washington’s story adds another layer to this narrative. She learned of her adoption through an Instagram DM in 2017—a revelation that shattered her family’s carefully constructed narrative. A cousin’s belief that Sandria “deserves to know her truth” forced her to confront the uncertainty that had long weighed heavily on her heart.
As she sifted through old photo albums, the uncertainty compounded by her adoptive parents’ passing became a burden too great to carry alone. It wasn’t until 2018 that she confronted her aunt for confirmation.
“Yes,” her aunt replied, rewriting Washington’s history in an instant.
She was 38 then, but this confirmation brought relief and frustration.
“Finally, a puzzle piece on a lot of things I felt intuitively,” she reflected. Fueled by anger and determination, she embarked on a journey of discovery, unearthing her original birth certificate and connecting with biological relatives.
Their shared experiences led Coleman and Washington to create Black to the Beginning, an initiative designed to amplify the full spectrum of the Black adoption experience and confront uncomfortable truths that have long been ignored. They aim to dismantle the silence and shame surrounding same-race Black adoption and ultimately, foster generational healing for Black families.
Coleman noted, “In Black families, we don’t talk about the sorrow… we only focus on the joy.”
But what is the cost of this silence?
The Psychological Impact of Secrecy
Danielle A. Burks, a licensed therapist, emphasizes that secrecy can lead to trust issues and hinder healthy relationships, fostering anxiety and emotional distress.
“Secrecy makes it difficult to know when we are emotionally and physically safe; which can lead to a constant state of uncertainty,” said Burks. “The lack of openness in families can reinforce the idea that safety is conditional or unpredictable, making it challenging to develop a stable sense of trust, both individually and with others.”
Through these narratives, we begin to confront the painful truths of adoption within the Black community, challenging the silence that has persisted for too long.
Reflecting on these testimonies, I recognize the courage required to confront these truths.
In focusing on joy, what vital conversations are we overlooking? How can we create space for the triumphs and traumas that shape our families?
The stories of Coleman, Washington and many other Black adoptees challenge us to expand our understanding of family, identity and belonging. They urge us to embrace a nuanced narrative of Black adoption that acknowledges the pain and joy, recognizing that the Black adoption experience is not just about the adoptee but encompasses the entire family unit.
Secrecy in Black adoption creates ripple effects across generations. Coleman and Washington’s experiences reveal the toll silence takes not just on adoptees, but those who keep the secrets. Washington highlighted the physical burden of secrecy, linking her adoptive mother’s health issues to hidden truths.
“Carrying something so heavy—it’s going to take a toll on you,” she said, illustrating the emotional and physical ramifications of unspoken family histories.
Rewriting the Narrative: The Role of Black Media in Adoption Conversations
Photo Credit: Prostock-studio
Both women challenge prevalent narratives that focus solely on infants and “feel-good savior stories,” arguing that such perspectives fail to capture the rich tapestry of the Black adoption experience. Coleman emphasizes that informal adoptions within the Black community have been happening for generations, stating, “Black adoption has been happening since the beginning of time.”
This acknowledgment is crucial for understanding how adoption functions within our cultural context.
Coleman’s adoption experience has profoundly shaped her approach to motherhood. She ensures that her children feel connected to their biological roots.
Washington’s desire for a “true record” of her identity speaks to the more significant issue of documentation within the adoption community.
“I think about my obituary often,” she said. “It’s important that both my birth parents are mentioned.”
This highlights a critical aspect of identity that many adoptees grapple with—the need to acknowledge their complete history.
Both women critique the terminology often used to describe their experiences. Washington finds terms like “late disclosure adoption” and “discovery” inadequate, reflecting a need for more accurate language that encompasses the emotional weight of their journeys.
The impact of late discovery adoption on identity is profound. Washington reflected on how it influences her views on motherhood. She grapples with fears that may stem from her birth mother.
“I don’t know if my fears are mine,” she admits, illustrating the interplay between nature and nurture, and how adoption narratives can influence familial relationships for generations.
Both women have developed unique ways to heal. Coleman stresses the importance of acknowledging emotions, while Washington finds solace in openly discussing her experiences.
Their podcast has become a powerful tool for healing and advocacy, aiming to extend its influence beyond mere storytelling to create actionable change within the community.
A Historic Step: Black Adoption in Academia and Institutional Recognition
Sandria Washington and Samantha Coleman (Photo Credit: Instagram).
The University of Chicago Crown Family School of Social Work, Policy and Practice is integrating Black to the Beginning’s work into its curriculum this spring, marking a significant step toward institutional acknowledgment of these narratives. Washington and Coleman envision expanding their reach through various media to make the conversation around Black adoption more accessible and inclusive.
They emphasize the responsibility of Black media to address these topics openly.
In a historic move, the University will also offer its first course on the Black Adoption Experience, developed by Black to the Beginning and taught by Coleman. This course will explore the historical context, unique challenges and the broader implications of Black adoption.
From Trauma to Triumph: The Power of Speaking Truth
As our community confronts the complex legacy of adoption, the words of Zora Neale Hurston resonate: “If you’re silent about your pain, they will kill you and say you enjoyed it.”
Through their work, these women ensure that the voices of Black adoptees and their families are heard, paving the way for a more open dialogue about adoption in our community.
To continue this critical conversation and learn more about the rich fabric of the Black Adoption Experience, please visit blacktothebeginning.com and listen to The Black Adoption Podcast, available on all streaming platforms.
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