Should She Tell Her Sister That Her Husband Is Gay? Ask Dr. Karen!


When You Need Some Advice Don’t Ask Twice… Ask Dr. Karen!  
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Dear Dr. Karen:
My sister and I are very close and she recently shared with me concerns about her sex life. After 15 years of marriage she feels like there is something wrong because her husband is no longer interested in intimacy. A couple of weeks ago a good friend of mine who is gay, said he saw him at a bar that he goes to. I was floored! I thought about it and decided to call him and find out what was going on. Of course he denied everything.

He said it must have been some kind of mistake but I know it wasn’t. My friend has seen him many times at family gatherings. Now I am stuck. My gut instinct is to keep my mouth shut, because it really is none of my business but it is my sister and she has a right to know. I do not want to tell her because she will be devastated. If she knew I had this information and kept it from her, it would hurt even more.
                                                                        ~ Concerned
 Dear Concerned:
Calling your brother-in-law didn’t achieve anything. He already knows what he is doing. Now he will take steps to explain your friend seeing him at the bar away. He’s probably wondering who else knows his secret.
Your sister has confided in you. You have the piece of the puzzle that can solve her dilemma. Like it or not, you are the one who can shed light on her problem. If your brother-in-law is meeting strangers for sex, this concerns both your sister’s health and her marriage. You have heard of AIDS? Tell her and let her decide what she wants to do.
 ***Dr. Karen R. January is an expert in youth development as well as male-female relationships.  Her new book, ¨Lessons Mama Never Taught Me,¨ profiles 10 women and the mistakes they made in parenting, love and life.  It can be purchased at  Please send your questions to Dr. Karen at

Visit her website:  FB: drkayj  Twitter: @drkjanuary
***Disclaimer “The advice offered in this column is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional, financial, medical, legal, or other professional advice. Dr. Karen January, the newspaper and publisher are not responsible for the outcome or results of following any advice in any given situation. You, and only you, are completely responsible for your actions.” Due to the large number of letters received, there is no guarantee that your question will be published.

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