We have all heard that there is more than one way to skin a cat. We have been told that the way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time. With that being said, I want you to know that dating is a process, too. Millions of people have tried it and some have written books and instructions on how to do it. So, here’s my two cents: take it with a grain of salt to enhance the flavor, but, in any event, be encouraged.
Regardless of the male to female ratio, there is someone for you. If you are patient and willing to develop yourself to the level of the one you desire. In other words: become the person they would naturally be looking for. According to the law of attraction, it is just a matter of time before your heart is engaged in the pursuit of love.
Often, lonely hearts tend to settle for the first person that raises a brow of interest towards them. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard “at least he or she is better than being alone.” That mindset screams desperation. My dear friend, Julia Baker, wrote a book entitled ”Being Single is Not a Disease.” Pick it up on Amazon, and if you think that having someone in your life that does not qualify to be there is better than having no one at all, you really don’t know how valuable you are. The wrong person in your life may provide a form of companionship, and a little more warmth at night, but they may also be detrimental to you and your kids.
A lot of people want the fairy tale romance: the perfect guy meets the perfect girl, love blossoms, everything becomes rose colored, and the heavens open with a choir of angels singing hallelujah. That sounds whimsical, but there is a path to obtain the type of euphoria that sustains an authentic encounter.
In the first two installments of In Pursuit of Love, we glanced at the reasons why people choose not to pursue love. Then, we touched on some character issues that might deter one from being an effective candidate in the race for love. Now, we’re going to assume that the majority of you want “love and happiness” as Al Green eloquently belts out in his hit song. “Happiness is when you really feel good about somebody. There’s nothing wrong with being in love with someone.” So, here are some dating nuggets you can use to reach that plateau.
First, you must soberly determine what you do and do not want in a relationship or mate. Knowing both sides of your heart is essential to honing in on the right person for you. Write those things down in something like a notebook, a vision board, or your diary. There are no wrong answers or scopes too broad. Ignore the practitioners who profess to be realists saying that it’s too much. They are the ones who settle for anyone and end up in divorce court. If you can honestly tell yourself, “I am worth the wait, and I am willing to do what it takes to get what I want,” then you can have what you say. This is called the process, and as you are waiting, remember to be proactive in preparing for the one you want. That is how Stella got her groove back.
Second, you should practice being the best partner possible. What does that look like? Put away your games, temper tantrums, and other childish behavior. King Solomon, one of the wisest kings of Israel, had this revelation: when he was a child he behaved as a child, but when he became a man, he put childish things away. In a relationship there is always give and take. Some have calculated the percentage to be 50-50 for each person, however, if you only give 50 percent of yourself, where is the other 50 percent going? When you give 100 percent, or your very best at all times, the relationship has a greater chance of not only surviving, but thriving.
Third, be sure to protect your children from dating failures. Do not introduce your kids to everyone you “holla” at. As your relationship grows to the point of affirming a significant other, then you can begin to mingle times of family interaction with the kids. Otherwise, keep your relationship to yourself because kids are tenderhearted and get easily attached. If the kids ask about the person you are seeing, share discreetly at a level they can understand.
Fourth, always listen to your gut. Don’t push past the red flags because they are there to protect you. My friend used to say, “Where there’s smoke, there’s fire.” If it does not feel good, don’t get discouraged, it may not be a fit. Just keep saying next until you get to the one that rings your bell.
Finally, there are many ways to meet fun and exciting people. You are your own best resource. You have friends that can hook you up. Perhaps, online dating is more your schtick? There are social meet ups all across town based on varying interests. Speed dating has become a popular way to meet new people. It doesn’t matter how you meet them, just get out there and do it. Consider every date as good practice ground. I went out with a guy who was not my normal type and I had a ball. He became my breakfast date, but we are just friends.
When you are pursuing love maintain your standards and stay open to the possibilities. Don’t take yourself too seriously. If the date goes awry, think about the good that came of it and keep it moving. If you hit a home run, then I expect to be invited to the wedding. But, most of all, enjoy it!
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