I read somewhere that it is not good for mankind to be alone. We were designed to connect and cherish those connections, for there’s more to life than grinding for money and recognition. Billy Dee Williams said it well in the classic movie “Lady Sings the Blues,” “Success is nothing if you don’t have someone to share it with.” At the end of the day, it’s our relationships that make our lives worth of living. Friends and family are necessary factors in this fulfillment, and the joy they bring is irreplaceable. However, there is a deeper place inside the human heart that longs for companionship, love, and intimacy. It is a place reserved for the one who completes us, yet many who feel a tugging on their heart for a soulmate fail to act on it. As parents, we owe it to our children to demonstrate what healthy relationships look like and how to acquire them. If you don’t teach your children, they will learn elsewhere, and most likely, from their own experiences. Let’s explore some reasons why folks are hesitant when it comes to the pursuit of love.
We’ll start with the ladies. It is a known fact that women share more personal details about themselves with one another than do their male counterparts. Common girl-talk topics can range from emotional wellness to children to men. Women are setting new standards and forging ahead in business, education, politics, entertainment, community, and in their homes. The thought of getting involved with someone is intriguing but not always realistic as the demand on their lives grow. Simply put, they don’t feel they have the time to invest in a committed relationship. These women are content with their lives, not wanting to complicate matters with love.
I personally identified with this group until my friend shared that she was dating two guys with very impressive portfolios. Both were at the opposite ends of the East Coast. Her disclosure was a wake-up call for me. It felt like I had fallen asleep on the bus and missed my stop. At the time, I wasn’t seeing anyone and felt content with my life, buried in my work, and moderately social, but, her news shook the very foundation of my mundane reality. I don’t want my daughters to be workaholics with Gucci bags and the highlight of their week being an episode of “This is Us.” I would like to see them in balanced, fulfilling lives, happily married with children who will learn from their strong leadership. Unfortunately, I had snuggled up with my comforter and placed myself on the inactive list along with the other women in this category.
Next, there is a cluster of women who were hurt in past relationships. It could have been emotional or physical, but the pain was real and continues to reside in their heart. They want to move on but have not overcome the past. The fear of another failed relationship stops them from embracing the possibilities of love, so, they run away from potential suitors. These women don’t allow their children to witness a quality relationship because of their wounds.
My other friend, Wendy, was actively involved in her co-ed aerobics class. She attended regularly and even assisted the instructor when needed. There was a gentleman in the class that was attracted to her. When the gentleman expressed an interest in taking her on a date, it scared her. Wendy left the gym, determined never to return. Her last relationship of 20 years ended in infidelity, leaving her crushed. Because of this, she innately taught her children about insecurities and trust issues in relationships.
This last group of women are the manipulating, controlling, and Jezebel type. Jezebel was a queen in the Bible days who simply didn’t know her place. She desired to rule the entire kingdom, including the king himself. Jezebel’s manipulating behavior caused the kingdom’s demise and ultimately her own death. That type of woman wants to find love, but instead, sabotages relationships and plays the victim. Her attitudes become an identifiable stench like a sticky pad mouse trap. Mice smell the glue and avoid the trap, and so do wise men.
There are many reasons why people do not pursue loving relationships. They are busier than ever, hurt from the past, need an attitude adjustment or some just want to live a life of singleness, which is neither right nor wrong. This three-part series will reveal various reasons of singleness and how to approach dating in the 21st Century. Part two will address why men don’t pursue love. If we want to have loving relationships, it is our choice. We may need to make changes in how we approach relationships, but know this: our children will be the beneficiaries of whatever we decide.
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