When You Need Some Advice Don’t Ask Twice… Ask Dr. Karen!
***To all my on-line readers, I would like to thank each and everyone of you for your continued support and your comments. They are appreciated and valued.
Dear Dr. Karen:
I’ve been married to my husband for 23 years. I just recently found out that he is a racist. He hates my daughter’s boyfriend and treats him badly. He refers to him as the “Black Boy.” He tries to get the rest of the family to hate him too.
My daughter is pregnant and my husband wants nothing to do with her, the baby, or the boyfriend. I feel differently. I love her boyfriend. He is a great guy and I am looking forward to my first grandchild.
I am having a difficult time accepting my husband’s racist attitude. I don’t think I can live in a house divided (one racist and one nonracist). I want to be able to share my joy with my husband, but he isn’t budging. I’ve talked to him, expressed anger stated my point of view and nothing is working. Before we got married I do recall discussing where we were going to live and raise a family. He told me then he didn’t want to live near any “Blacks”. At that time I didn’t think anything of it. Now, I’m wondering did I choose the wrong man.
~A House Divided
Dear House Divided:
Twenty-three years is a long time to be in denial. Before your married life began, he stated, that he didn’t want to live near any “Blacks.” That didn’t strike you as a little odd? You had an opportunity then to challenge him on his comment and for whatever reason you stood by in silence. Maybe, you felt the same way at that time. However, I do commend you now on standing up for what is right.
Continue to let him know that you do not support his racist views and that you will not lose your daughter and grandchild because of him. If he wants to risk that, it is his choice. I would insist that your husband seek both personal and couples counseling. If he refuses, then you must make a choice and that choice comes down to a simple equation.
House = Divided
Husband = Hate
You+Daughter+Boyfriend+Grandchild = Love
What will you choose to subtract?
Hint: Subtract the First 2!
*Final Thoughts: With so much division going on in our Country, how would you handle this situation?
***Dr. Karen R. January is an expert in youth development as well as male-female relationships. Her book, ¨Lessons Mama Never Taught Me,¨ profiles 10 women and the mistakes they made in parenting, love and life. It can be purchased at Amazon.com. Please send your questions to Dr. Karen at askdrjanuary@gmail.com.
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Disclaimer “The advice offered in this column is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional, financial, medical, legal, or other professional advice. Dr. Karen January, the newspaper and publisher are not responsible for the outcome or results of following any advice in any given situation. You, and only you, are completely responsible for your actions.” Due to the large number of letters received there is no guarantee that your question will be published.