Dear Gwen: I don┤t know what to do!

My dad left her when I was little, and it seems as long as I can remember, my mother has never really had anything nice to say to me or about me. She always has something negative to say about me, my kids, my house. Anything that has to do with me is not good enough for her. I finally started to distance myself from her. She has a closer relationship with my brother. My brother pampers her because he wants to see her, and his dad back together. Mind you, I am 34, married, with two kids. My brother is 30 with six kids, a girlfriend and other women on the side.

I don’t know what to do. I am at my wit’s end, and I don’t want to say anything mean to her because that’s just something I won’t do. I feel that I have no dad and a mother that can’t stand me for whatever reason.

Jen-Jen

Dear Jen-Jen:

Try to have a real serious talk with your mother. Express to her your feelings of being not wanted.

Let me tell you this: Your mother could have gone through a terrible relationship with your father, whomever he is/was. The hurt from a broken heart often spills over to dislike for the child. Of course, this is wrong, but it happens.

I am glad to know that you are married and living in your own house. As to your brother, he needs to grow up. There is the possibility that your mother favors him over you. Jen-Jen, there is nothing you can do about it. Your mother will have to be the one to have a change of heart.

I liked your comment, “I don’t want to say anything mean to her%uFFFD” That’s good because whatever happens, she is your mom and hopefully one day the two of you will bond.

Until that happens, visit her, but do not move in. Don’t waste time like your brother–trying to get two people back together that probably never should have been.

E-mail Gwendolyn Baines at: gwenbaines@hotmail.com.

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