It is wonderful to provide your children with good things. I have given my children two types of gifts: the ones enjoyed and well-used, and the ones that were beyond their ability to manage. Truth be told, mydaughter’s first cell phone was taken from her because she could not handle theresponsibility. According to T-Mobile, she had sent 11,000 text messages in the first 30-day period.
My word of caution as our children grow and develop is to be careful not to reward them before they are mature enough to master what you give them. When they are ready for the next level they will exhibit behavior that is indicative of next-level living. For example, one does not get promoted to second grade until they pass the first grade, having met the requirements. It’s elementary.
In my daughter’s case, she was allowed another 30 days to use her cell phone because texting was a new feature on cell phones, and noneof us knew how it worked. Unlimited plans had not been introduced at that time, but once we were told how it worked, we thought she would be okay. When the bill came the texting was still into the thousands which proved she was clearly not ready for a cell phone.
Children will want to test the waters of their next level, especially if they see their friends with something new, it’s natural for them to want it too. However, they may not be ready for it. Withoverall growth, a developmental chart is an excellent resource, especially if you are not sure where your child’s progress should be at a particular age. It is not conclusive, of course, but it can be helpful. The chart provides a range of abilities in various areas of growth that are common at certain ages.
Still, our children are the best indicator of how they are evolving. When your teen asks to borrow the car on Saturday night, but again doesn’t make an effort to be home by curfew, you can reasonably assume this time will be the same. Most likely, there are some add-ons that they haven’t told you about, which by their non-conforming behavior indicates they are not
prepared for this level of responsibility.
Instead of giving them the keys, wait until their routine behavior warrants a promotion. When they are really ready for the responsibility of using your car on Saturday night, they are going to prove it by following your instructions to the letter. Their behavior will demonstrate their readiness to repeat this process in the future. At this point, start saving for a new car because that is the next level.
For now, don’t give in to your children’s whims unless it is time for promotion. You won’t regret it.
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