At some point everyone has a choice of the people they want in their life, but, what is it about Black women not being able to get along with each other? In a society that works so hard to bring Black women down, shouldn’t we at least be able to depend on one another for support and encouragement?
Maybe you would say past friendships were riddled with one-upmanship, jealousy, competition, pettiness and deceit. It’s human nature to go either way but the assumption that we cannot be friends is bias and ignores the fact that many Black women can have wholesome and vibrant friendships with other Black women.
Friendship is having concern for another person or group of people, and it involves intimacy to some degree. We have friends who help shape us properly but then again, you’ve heard of the saying “birds of a feather flock together.” Can you honestly say why you choose to be around each friend you have? Is this friendship(s) for leisure, convenience, or quality? There are various kinds of relationships and ways to love our friend(s). At the end of the day, it all boils down to the mindset and what you want to see grow from each friendship.
Why do some people hit it off immediately while others do not? A lot of it has to do with assessment of likeness, immediacy, knowledge and reciprocity that influence with whom we create relationships.
It is a fact that the reality TV show world portrays many undesirable stereotypes of Black women friendships. Is it these negative stereotypes that create false opinions of Black women for people to perceive? We fight all the time, we lack kindness, we backstab, etc., which can make other people assume we are all the same and act the same way. Not facts.
We can celebrate each other, motivate and tell it like it is in a genuine way. The representation in certain media subjects also shows that we can accept each other and are willing to forgive each other for any mistakes that will be caused through the friendship.
Whether it’s a birthday party, wedding, baby shower, Black women can turn up together exceptionally well. What happens when we all hear, Cash Money Records taking over for “99” and “2000”?
Black women are powerful, victorious, magnetic, beautiful, trendsetters mixed with cocoa-shea butter and magic. Once self-awareness is arisen, your tribe comes after. Hopefully it’s a group of fun-loving Queens who love and respect each other.
It is not an easy task but there are a few key points to help maintain friendships.
Share the spotlight
Conversation requires active and constructive listening, However, if you’ve ever seen two people trying to talk to each other at the same time, you’ll know that listening is just as important. Take turns talking so that everyone feels heard.
In each group or duo friendship, there may be the over dramatic drama queen or “better than thou” attitude but you love them regardless (flaws and all, right?). If you’re hanging onto these friendships due to long history or admiration, serious boundaries should still be set. If tensions escalate, it may be time to address the issue head on. Practice first on what you would like to say successfully and have the talk with them privately.
It may seem easier to walk away from a friendship than address an important issue. But, working through such problems and making amends is valuable for selfcare. Remain calm and do not blame each other for anything. Accept that each other’s perspective is different, but not wrong. Be willing to apologize and forgive. If you truly feel the friendship is over, let it go peacefully and move forward in life.
Black women can be friends with each other; just like anything else, it takes effort and time with each other. Instead of finding flaws in each other, find affirmations and the beauty in your Sista. Let’s start to compliment and uplift each other genuinely. Continue to love your Flosse Posse, Act like a Lady, Think Like a Man Tribe, Set it off, Issa and Molly or just Oprah and Gayle friendship. Through the good and bad times, be good to each other. Nobody has time for Fake love. Look at the friendships in your life and evaluate them based on how those friendships are supporting you, fulfilling you, and bringing happiness into your life.