When You Need Some Advice Don’t Ask Twice… Ask Dr. Karen!
***To all my on-line readers, I would like to thank each and everyone of you for your continued support and your comments. They are appreciated and valued.
Dear Dr. Karen
I am 24 years old and my girlfriend is 22. We have been dating for several months and are now talking about getting married. Recently, she confessed to me that she is not a virgin. My upbringing in the church taught me that marriage is sacred and dating or marrying someone who is not a virgin is a sin.
My minister told me that you are not supposed to have sex before marriage. A Christian relationship should start with both people as virgins, because in God’s eyes, marriage is the only place for sex.
The problem is, I feel like she kept this information from me. She knew my sexual status from the beginning and she should have been upfront and honest about her sexual past with me. Now, I don’t know if I want to marry her since she has slept with other men.
None of us is without sin, so how dare you judge someone else? Take a look at your own past. Think of the things that you have done and have been forgiven for. If one person has a hard time forgiving another of his or her past, your relationship is definitely going to suffer.
Everybody needs and deserves to be loved unconditionally. That means not holding the past against her or bringing up old sins that are hurtful. Before dating or marrying someone who is not a virgin, a lot of discussion, thought, prayer, and reflection should happen. Some churches have great pre-engagement classes that could be helpful for you.
A successful relationship takes two people who are willing to sacrifice for each other and maintain the strength of love selflessly. If, you say you’re a Christian then act like one! That means letting go of the past and not holding it against her. If you really love her you will be able to do this.
*** Question: Is there an age where being a virgin is no longer important in a relationship?
***Dr. Karen R. January is an expert in youth development as well as male-female relationships. Her book, ¨Lessons Mama Never Taught Me,¨ profiles 10 women and the mistakes they made in parenting, love and life. It can be purchased at Amazon.com. Please send your questions to Dr. Karen at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Visit her website: www.drkaykay.com
Disclaimer “The advice offered in this column is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional, financial, medical, legal, or other professional advice. Dr. Karen January, the newspaper and publisher are not responsible for the outcome or results of following any advice in any given situation. You, and only you, are completely responsible for your actions.” Due to the large number of letters received there is no guarantee that your question will be published.