When You Need Some Advice Don’t Ask Twice… Ask Dr. Karen!
“LOVE IS IN THE AIR.” Follow my column each day through Sunday and find out how our Chicago Defender reader’s really feel about the “LOVE DAY.”
Dear Dr. Karen
I’ve been seeing a guy for about five months. I think I’m in love with him. We’re both in our mid thirties so it’s not puppy love. We haven’t talked about our feelings yet but some of his actions tell me that he is serious about me. He has introduced me to his friends and family. We have taken trips together and we spend just about every weekend together. In public he’s affectionate and he refers to me as his girlfriend.
Valentine’s Day is approaching and he will be out of town with his job on that day. I know he loves chocolate. So, I decided to buy an expensive box and a card to give him before he left. I figured since this is our first Valentine’s Day together it would be kind of nice to let him know how I feel.
I was certain that he was going to have some little token for me but he didn’t. I know some people just aren’t into this day, but at least he could have given me a card! He didn’t mention anything about Valentine’s Day. I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it either so I didn’t give him the card or the chocolates. When I got home I threw the box and the card in the trash. Am I making too much out of this?
~ Deal Breaker
Dear Deal Breaker:
I can’t believe you threw away an expensive box of chocolates! You are in your thirties and you’re acting like a schoolgirl. When two adults like each other they are able to express their feelings to one another. It is only natural.
Valentine’s Day is not the issue here. The relationship is the issue. It sounds like you might have some fear of rejection because you chose not to let him know how you felt. It is scary putting your feelings out there and not knowing if that person feels the same. You had the opportunity to find this out and you blew it.
Unless you want to keep guessing how he feels just ask him. If he doesn’t reciprocate then he wasn’t the right guy for you anyway. Next time express yourself honestly and you will not end up trashing good chocolate.
***Dr. Karen R. January is an expert in youth development as well as male-female relationships. Her new book, ¨Lessons Mama Never Taught Me,¨ profiles 10 women and the mistakes they made in parenting, love and life. It can be purchased at Amazon.com. Please send your questions to Dr. Karen at firstname.lastname@example.org.
***Disclaimer “The advice offered in this column is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional, financial, medical, legal, or other professional advice. Dr. Karen January, the newspaper and publisher are not responsible for the outcome or results of following any advice in any given situation. You, and only you, are completely responsible for your actions.” Due to the large number of letters received, there is no guarantee that your question will be published.