When you need some advice don’t ask twice… Ask Dr. Karen!
Dear Dr. Karen:
I just started dating a woman that I have worked with for a year. We have been going out now as a couple for three weeks. The other day she hit me with some news that I was not ready for. She wanted to be upfront and honest with me about her situation at home. She divorced six months ago. Her now ex-husband has moved back in with her along with their two kids. He lost his job recently due to down sizing and has been unable to find work. He is having financial difficulties and asked if he could stay there temporarily. She said he has some leads on several jobs and once he starts working and gets back on his feet, he will leave. She swears that there is nothing going on between them and they are not sleeping together.
I really care about this woman. We have established a solid friendship during the months we have worked together. I want to be with her and take this relationship to the next level. How should I handle this?
Please go look in the nearest mirror. You will see the word FOOL stamped on your forehead. Wake up! The woman of your dreams is living with her ex-husband and two children. She is clearly functioning as a family unit. Are you willing to accept this type of relationship? Where do you fit in? Have you considered that it could be three months, six months even a year before this woman would be free of her houseguest? Have you even thought about the possibility that a spark could re-ignite their relationship and they could get back together?
In this case you are on the outside looking in. At best, you are only a spectator standing on the sidelines waiting to get in the game. As long as she is living with her ex-husband you will never get any serious playing time. Your only hope is for sloppy seconds. This is not the game for you. You deserve better.
Until next week remember: “Never give advice unless you are asked for it”
***Disclaimer “The advice offered in this column is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional, financial, medical, legal, or other professional advice. Dr. Karen January, the newspaper and publisher are not responsible for the outcome or results of following any advice in any given situation. You, and only you, are completely responsible for your actions.” Due to the large number of letters received, there is no guarantee that your question will be published.
Dr. Karen R. January is an expert in youth development as well as male-female relationships. Her new book, ¨Lessons Mama Never Taught Me,¨ profiles 10 women and the mistakes they made in parenting, love and life. It can be purchased at Amazon.com. Please send your questions to Dr. Karen at firstname.lastname@example.org.