When you need some advice don’t ask twice… Ask Dr. Karen!
Dear Dr. Karen:
Last year, I took a break from the dating scene. I was meeting men who were so immature and had no clue what they wanted in life. You would think a man in their 40’s would at least have a job, a place to live, a car, and a few dollars in the bank. I don’t think this is asking too much.
Several months ago I met a guy on a flight going to visit some friends. We had a nice conversation and before the flight ended we decided to exchange phone numbers. I thought he was a great guy and he actually met most of my criteria. He had a job, an apartment, and a car.
We’ve been dating now for six months. I thought we had a good relationship with a possible future together. After dinner, a few nights ago he said he didn’t want to see me anymore. He left with no explanation. The next day he texted me saying that we have a relationship that most people spend a lifetime looking for. He said we are not breaking up we are just taking a break from each other.
I did everything I could to make him happy. I cooked his meals, ran errands for him, and cleaned his apartment. He worked double shifts sometimes, so I tried to help him out.
I am so upset. I start crying every time I think about losing him. Do I sit around and wait for him to call? Do you think there is a chance for us? If he does call should I take him back?
~ Dating Again
Dear Dating Again:
I think you have a better chance of getting ice water in hell or winning the lottery. This man stated that you have a relationship most people spend a lifetime searching for. So, why is he walking away? He is making it easy on himself and hard on you. Like the airplane you met him on; he put you in a holding pattern. This means he is in control. You gave him permission to call the shots while you wait for permission to land. Any man who gets free meals, a personal assistant and a housekeeper is more like a maid to him and not his woman. You gave everything and he gave nothing in return.
When you were making your list of criteria, you left out one important thing…stability. This man took full advantage of the services you provided and feels that he can come and go at will with your consent. Should you sit around and wait for him to call? Do I think there’s a chance for you to get back together? Should you take him back? My answer to you is get out of that holding pattern and move on. If you go back to this man I will personally find you and have you committed.
Until next week remember: “Never give advice unless you are asked for it”
***Disclaimer “The advice offered in this column is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional, financial, medical, legal, or other professional advice. Dr. Karen January, the newspaper and publisher are not responsible for the outcome or results of following any advice in any given situation. You, and only you, are completely responsible for your actions.” Due to the large number of letters received, there is no guarantee that your question will be published.
Dr. Karen R. January is an expert in youth development as well as male-female relationships. Her new book, ¨Lessons Mama Never Taught Me,¨ profiles 10 women and the mistakes they made in parenting, love and life. It can be purchased at Amazon.com. Please send your questions to Dr. Karen at firstname.lastname@example.org.