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Dear Chat Daddy,
I’m a 45-year-old married man and the father of three adult sons. All of them have always done very well academically and I am extremely proud of them. My oldest has recently become a doctor and during the graduation party his moth

Dear Chat Daddy, I’m a 45-year-old married man and the father of three adult sons. All of them have always done very well academically, and I am extremely proud of them. My oldest has recently become a doctor and during the graduation party his mother and I threw for him, he came out to the family and announced that he was gay. The party wasn’t quite the same because the energy just totally went downhill. My wife ran into our bedroom and never came back out. Chat Daddy, I am not homophobic, but I really don’t know how to handle our entire family on this matter. I love my sons dearly, and his being gay does not change that by any means. I just need to handle this the best way possible. What should I do?

-No Matter What, You’re Still My Son

Dear No Matter What, You’re Still My Son, Great letter, my brother. Well, first let me say that it took a lot of courage for you to write this letter and for your son to come out to his family. I suggest that you and your family sit down and really have a talk. So many families have a hard time dealing with issues such as this, and we, as a people, need to face so many of our family issues and really come to terms with these particular situations. It is something that hits home, and until we embrace the notion that we are all different and unique individuals, we will always be stuck struggling with the concept of family members being different. Calmly express how you feel, and listen intently to what he has to say. The last thing you or any of the other family members should do is pass judgment on him. While it is admirable that you are not homophobic, it is understandable that you are in complete shock. Simply communicate to your son that no matter what, you will always love and respect him unconditionally. While it may take some time and some getting used to, be grateful that he did tell his family. His true happiness, of course, should always be your primary concern. Be encouraged.

Dear Chat Daddy, I am a 30-something single woman who met a man I thought was Mr. Wonderful. We had been dating for almost a year, and he was really good to me. The one good thing I could say about him was that he took care of all my needs. Here’s the problem: A month ago, I walked into our favorite restaurant where I found him, his wife and their three children all eating. I was so shocked, Chat Daddy. I went off on him in front of his family. I’m really upset with him because he told me he was not married and that he would always take care of me. Since that day, I have not heard from him, and it really hurts. Chat Daddy, I really love him and want us to be together. What should I do? -But You Made Me Promises

Dear But You Made Me Promises, Girl, what is wrong with you? First of all, you are way too old to be still playing “you gonna take care of me” games with men. Second, why would your heart be broken over a married man? From this point on, you need to stop being so vulnerable because there are some brothers out there just waiting for someone nice and vulnerable to take advantage of. Leave it alone.

This man clearly does not love or respect you. Take this time to truly heal and focus on yourself. Why would you want someone who has been deceptive to you? Learn to take care of yourself. You don’t need a sugar daddy. Here’s to you learning self-determination, responsibility and selfpreservation all while you continue on your journey to being whole and self-sufficient enough to stand on your own two feet, my dear. Move on. Be encouraged.

Art “Chat Daddy” Sims can be reached via e-mail at chatdaddy@chicagodefender.com.

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Copyright 2008 Chicago Defender. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.

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