Our favorite Monday night guilty pleasure Love & Hip Hop Atlanta” returned to TV last night and we spent an hour catching up with our favorite cast (and a few newcomers): Joseline Hernandez, Stevie J, Mimi Faust, Nikko London (not to be confused with Nikko Smith), Rasheeda, Kirk, Erica Dixon, Ariane, Scrappy, Momma Dee, Bambi, Waka Flocka, Tammy, Karlie Redd and Yung Joc.
The episode opened with a 360 degree pan of Stevie and Joseline’s 18,000 sq feet mansion in the Atlanta hills. Stevie played the piano for his wife (yes, they are really married and living together) Jos, who emerged in the foyer in a gown. It was quite dramatic. “Hi Daddy,” she greeted and our hearts warmed because the Puerto Rican princess has returned to our living rooms to some much needed relief to the dreadful Monday.
Stevie and Joseline appear to have their sh*t together (we’re sure everything isn’t as good as it seems). Joseline isn’t your typical housewife as she walks around fully dressed and shaved head. It isn’t long before we’re thrown into Mimi’s storyline.
In case you’ve been sleeping under a rock, Mimi and her opportunist boyfriend Nikko released a sex tape. So here’s the thing. We weren’t judging them. Hey, if that’s the life they want, so be it. However, we do not appreciate Mimi and Nikko trying to pretend their bags were stolen with the industrial camera they used to film their last raunchy session inside to be later sold to Vivid Entertainment (the same company that released Kim K’s sex tape). We don’t believe you, you need more people!
Another aspect we don’t appreciate is VH1 trying to make Mimi out to portray Mimi as this Eartha Kitt-like sex kitten straight from a “Boomerang” scene and we’re like cut it out! All episode she was talking in her late night radio host voice while wearing a cat suit that revealed her newly-enhanced cleavage. Then she’s asking everyone, “would you make a sex tape?” By sheer coincidence, Mimi is later told by the sloth Nikko that her sex tape she filmed with Nikko in the Bahamas was leaked and even though Nikko knew their bags, with the precious cargo, was stolen…until it was on MediaTakeOut of course! Mimi cried when she found out her vagina would be on display on the Internet and if you ask us, she’d make a pretty great actress.
Maybe, but would we make two copies it, one for our man and one for us? No! And, is it us or is Nikko kinda gross?
After getting acquainted with what and Mimi and Nikko are pumping *no pun intended*, we caught up with Rasheeda and Kirk. Sigh. Kirk is still claiming that he doesn’t believe that he is the father of his wife’s baby Karter. We can’t stand him and his three earrings. Rasheeda revealed that she was had pneumonia after she had a c-section in the hospital from giving birth and Kirk was there every night to comfort her and do what a husband, father is supposed to. Still, we’re going to file him in the he ain’t ish category with Matthew Knowles, Floyd Mayweather and Columbus Short (ouch). Kirk and Rasheeda’s relationship is still on the rocks and they aren’t even sleeping in the same bedroom. It doesn’t help that he and her mother don’t get along. Kirk made that clear when he told her to stop kissing his baby, even though he isn’t claiming his baby. Whatever.
Momma Dee reeemerged on the scene to cause more trouble in her son’s life. Scrappy is no longer with Erica because he screwed that up so he found a new chick Bambi. You may or may not remember her from “Basketball Wives LA.” But Momma Dee only seems to rock with side chicks and since Scrappy is just an incident away from our “ain’t ish list” he often has a side chick in the stable. Momma Dee alluded to another “egg in his basket” which alarmed Bambi. Scrappy brushed it off just as he does his mother’s royal act. We’ll be meeting Scrappy’s appetizer piece soon.
Stevie and Joseline threw a post-marital birthday bash since they’re birthday’s are days apart and invited Ariane and Erica who were out to get the scoop on their marriage for Mimi and present Joseline with Mimi’s gift, a stripper pole. Joseline didn’t appreciate the gesture and warned Stevie that he should get his friends before she beat their a**. Joseline did admit to Erica and Ariane that she and Stevie have a wedding certificate. However, it is later revealed that they have not had a wedding. And in Joseline’s words, where are her mamacitas with the flowers?
Joseline wound up leaving her own event and drove off in Stevie’s car. In true Stevie fashion, he brushed it off and went to the strip club with Benzino only to come home to a pi*ssed off wife. Joseline told him to keep his baby’s mother’s friends in check before she slap them. We knew she meant business when she called him by his real name Steven Jordan. Stevie’s going to wine up in a headlock again!
This first episode was pretty lackluster, but from the looks of the super trailer, things will certainly pick up and we can’t wait!
What did you think of last night’s show?