Dear Groundhog…Punxsutawney Phil, is it?
Fierce name. Hi. I’m just an NYC girl, out here trying to be my best self, but this winter has me in it’s frozen vortex of a grip and I’m writing this letter to you because I’m desperate. I am begging you to give us some relief. The frozen tundras that have been running in and out of here are exhausting and frankly, my boots are looking ashy.
Look, I know it’s simple, but I understand that it’s not fun for you. You’re pulled from your real home, placed in temporary care on Gobbler’s Knob and then you’re plucked from there before winter’s sunrise and I’m not a morning person, so I know 7:27 am feels awful. Then you have to tell all of America if winter’s going to keep b*tch slapping us or if sweet, sweet spring is coming and it’s not even up to you. It’s the sun that allows for you to see your shadow or not. Everyone’s fingers are crossed, hoping you don’t see your shadow so we can usher in warmer weather and less layers.
I don’t want to put any pressure on you, but I am going to need for you to ignore your shadow. You need not see a thing sir. Phil…brother. Do me this one solid. Listen, there’s perks. You have the potential to be a national treasure. Imagine it–you bring in that spring and everyone in America will be singing your praises. We all just want warm weather and if you can facilitate that, there’s no stopping how bright your star could shine. Endorsement deals will start pouring in. I can see it now. Punxsutawney Shades (yes, your own line of sunglasses), you could even be the the new face of Coppertone! Sky’s the limit. It’s up to you Phil. What you gon’ do? The world’s watching. No pressure.
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