Dear Chat Daddy, Am I destined to be alone?

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Dear Chat Daddy,
As much as I hate to admit it, I am a 34-year-old single female who has only had a couple of relationships in my entire life. Most of my relationships have been with well -to-do attractive brothers who say that they want to be married bu

Dear Chat Daddy, As much as I hate to admit it, I am a 34-year-old single female who has only had a couple of relationships in my entire life. Most of my relationships have been with well-to-do, attractive brothers who say that they want to be married, but after a few months, the relationships go sour. Chat Daddy, I’ve tried everything from telling the guys up front that I wanted to be married with children to not saying anything at all about my dreams and desires for my future, for fear of losing them. For some strange reason I can’t seem to make my relationships last longer than three months. Once I share my ultimate goals and dream with them, they disappear. At this point I’m starting to think that I’m destined to be alone. Or, should I still have hope that I’ll find my one true love? -What’s The Point, I Give Up!

Dear What’s The Point, I Give Up!, Sister girl, please have hope! You should never give up on the concept of love. At some point in life, I think we have all examined our past sour relationship experiences only to realize how many empty relationships we’ve had. After reading your letter, I’m starting to think you may have chosen the wrong guys each time in your quest of finding true love because finding love is not always easy. At this point you must understand that the past is the past, and all you can do is to live for now. Time spent wallowing in misery could be better spent doing something to solve your problems. The trickiest part of developing a healthy relationship with anyone is learning to have open and honest dialogue about your dreams, goals and wishes about how your lives can be spent together. I recommend that you sit down with a pen and paper and write a list of what worked in each of your previous relationships.

After you have done that for each relationship, go back and write down what didn’t work and what, eventually, lead to the demise of the relationship. If you can, talk to someone close to you about what you have uncovered about yourself and your past relationships. Personally, I don’t believe every person you meet and date is meant to be with you for life, especially if they are not capable of establishing and maintaining a healthy and happy relationship. If you want to be with one partner for life, you need to make sure that the partner you choose also desires a life partnership and is capable of sustaining it. Often we are so caught up in a person’s physical looks and their sexual performance that we never examine what is in their heart, mind and soul. Here’s to you finding a mate who desires a life-long romance and who is capable of sustaining it. Be encouraged.

Dear Chat Daddy, My husband and I are the proud parents of a 16 year old who is developing into a wonderful young man. We both believe in him developing his own independence by letting him date and by allowing him to hang out with his friends more after school on the weekend while staying close and supportive of him. Recently I’ve been worried about our son being so sick on Saturday mornings after hanging out with his friends on Friday nights.

When I spoke to my husband about the issue and explained that I think our son is smoking weed and/or drinking alcohol, he replied "honey stop worrying because boys will be boys and it’s not uncommon for teens to drink or smoking weed out of curiosity." Chat Daddy, I want him to grow up to be a healthy and productive young man and not another wacked out member of today’s society. What should I do? -He’s Just A Little Tipsy

Dear He’s Just A Little Tipsy, It’s really good to know that you are concerned about your teen being exposed to the wrong things. You and your husband must see together that this is becoming a problem. Most teens make the wrong decisions based on peer pressure because they think it makes them cool and grown. Drinking alcohol and using drugs have become commonplace for most of our teens today.

They think being drunk and high is a common way to live because that’s all they see in most music videos and hear in the music they listen to. The easy access of drugs and alcohol in our community does not help in this matter. I’m sure that most parents are not aware that the leading cause of death in our young people today between the ages of 10 and 24 years old is from being under the influence.

More teens are dying in car crashes and from injuries, homicide and suicide because of being under the influence. It is normal for your son to be curious. It is only human nature. But as his parents, you must catch this negative behavior before it gets out of hand. Watch for changes in friends, a drop in grades and a total lack of interest in things he once enjoyed like family time, sports and hobbies.

Other signs are mood swings, secretiveness and a change in his eating habits. Have a frank talk with your son about staying on the right track while explaining to him that you will not accept this type of behavior in your household. Here’s to your son growing up to be a great man without a lot of bad influences that will keep him from his goals in life.

Art “Chat Daddy” Sims can be reached via e-mail at chatdaddy@chicagodefender.com.

Copyright 2008 Chicago Defender. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.

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