Dear Chat Daddy, My guy does great ‘big’ things, but falls short on those little things

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Dear Chat Daddy,

I am currently dating a guy who tells me all the time that he cares about me. However, I notice that he is constantly doing small things that I consider to be very selfish. I’m wondering how to take this.

Dear Chat Daddy,

I am currently dating a guy who tells me all the time that he cares about me. However, I notice that he is constantly doing small things that I consider to be very selfish. I’m wondering how to take this. He is very generous in grand ways, such as getting me a big flat screen television for my birthday, but when it comes to small things (i.e., taking the last of something to eat without offering it, taking the extra pillow, simply saying I love you and displaying affection towards me in public) it’s a no go. I also find myself always asking him if he needs or wants anything. I’ve tried talking to him about this, and he just doesn’t get it. Am I overreacting?

-More Than A Material Love Affair

Dear More Than A Material Love Affair, No my dear, you are not overreacting. Your boyfriend just may be the type of guy who only knows how to show his love through material things. Oftentimes, we tend to overlook that our emotions need to be fed on a continuous basis, and we don’t communicate with our partners exactly what it is that will nurture the relationship. Sit down with your man and explain to him in the most loving and affectionate way that you really need him to be a little bit more attentive. Be honest with him, and discuss the little things that are bothering you. Men usually have a hard time opening up when it comes to romantic relationships for different reasons. If he refuses to take your feelings into consideration and doesn’t work on this, then he may not be the man for you. Here’s to you gaining sound clarification in terms of your relationship while being accepting of the outcome in the process. Be encouraged.

Dear Chat Daddy, I am a 42-year-old female who married for the first time this past June. My husband and I have a great marriage. We are both settled in our careers and have no intentions of having children. Things were going great until recently when my husband received a phone call from an ex saying that he fathered her 25-year-old son.

She called a second time and told me that they have been having an affair for two years now and that she is deeply in love with him. I confronted him, and he confessed. Chat Daddy, I am extremely angered, confused and I really don’t know what to do as of now. Why would a woman wait over 25 years to call a man to tell him that her child might be his? Also, why do women get angry with a man she knows is married and call his wife just to tell of the affair? Is it due to revenge, and if so, I don’t think it is towards the cheating spouse because it is always the wife and children that are hit the hardest with devastation. If the man cared about his family, wouldn’t he have remembered his vows before committing adultery? -In A State Of Shock

Dear In A State Of Shock, Oh my goodness sweetheart, this is a hot mess. I am very sorry for this to be happening to you and your marriage. It is a very unfortunate situation. First of all, definitely start with prayer and meditation. Secondly, you raise a very essential question regarding this so-called paternity issue. The fact that she would wait all these years to let him know that he could have possibly fathered her son not only raises an eyebrow, but it makes her look very suspicious in terms of her motives.

She loves him, and he has admitted to the violation of the relationship. Your next move is to find out whether or not he is indeed this man’s father. He is an adult now, and it sounds to me like the mother is definitely trying to be vindictive in reference to wanting him in her life. Women and men do devious things when it comes to matters of the heart. It all boils down to immaturity and insecurity.

People make the biggest and most devastating mistakes in their relationships and try to mend the broken fences, however in certain situations and depending on the infraction, it is really to no avail. Take some time to clear your mind and base your decision on that. Try not to execute or take action until you’ve had time to seriously evaluate everything, including whether your relationship could be salvaged or not. It really is up to you and whatever your tolerance level is. Be encouraged.

Art “Chat Daddy” Sims can be reached via e-mail at chatdaddy@chicagodefender.com.

Copyright 2008 Chicago Defender. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.

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