Dear Chat Daddy,
My wife and I were high school sweethearts who have now been married for over 30 years. We have a dear friend of whom we have known since high school. He is getting married this spring for the first time (he’s 48) to a woman (she’s 40
He has extraordinary qualities: Tall, in great physical shape, has great credit with no debt, doesn’t drink, uses no profanity and loves going to church. She is the exact opposite in every sense. She does not believe in the holy trinity, so it is obvious that they are unequally yoked. In fact, he says that she lives an unhealthy lifestyle.
She has refused premarital counseling, has not made an effort on her own to know his family, and they have not met with the pastor who will preside over the ceremony (too busy with the wedding plans). He also said that he couldn’t live with her current habits and behaviors.
He believes that she’ll change after the wedding and do things he would like her to do. When I asked him, man to man, what he really sees in her, he replied, “She’s smart, fun to be with and the sex is great.” However, we think they need immediate counseling. What do you think?
-Why Settle For Less?
Dear Why Settle For Less?,
Your concern is valid and it is admirable that you only want the best for your friend. Sometimes we have to allow our loved ones to make their own decisions. I have to say that your friend is a bit delusional when it comes to the idea of her “changing” after the wedding. There’s no such thing. Many people make the mistake of going into a marriage with that same ideology.
Those things that you can’t stand in a person will only be magnified once the wedding cake has been served and the champagne is gone. Moreover, the fact that she has not made an effort to get to know his family is very strange. Since you have talked to him about your concerns, and since he still wants to walk down the aisle anyway, then all you can do is be there for him. I would suggest not berating him about his future bride. You must remember that he’s a grown man and if he’s happy with the decision to marry her, so be it.
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